“With You”

Your lips are saying you’re fine
But your eyes are saying you’re scared
And when I ask you — beg you, so I can know why
You tell me that you’re afraid,
Afraid I’m going to die
I can’t help the tears that pour from my eyes
The aching feeling that drowns my body
My skin tingles like I’m on fire
And I don’t know if I’m aware
Because you’ve noticed
Or because it’s true
I don’t want to be alive anymore
And you seem to understand that
Which scares me
Especially when you start crying too
I don’t know what to say
Or how to react
I can’t tell you I’m fine
I can’t say it’ll be alright
But I want you to know I love you
No matter what happens to me
You ask me why you’re not enough
And I’m sorry, I’m so sorry
But it’s not you
You are enough, you are perfect,
You are an everything inside of oblivion
A beautiful masterpiece in the middle of a hurricane
And I’m sorry
Because you should be my everything
But even when I’m with you
I can’t breathe
And it’s not because of you
It’s because I am not enough for myself
And I wish I could exist
Outside of myself and everything else
I just need you to know
That no matter what I say or do
When I get like this,
When the darkness and the emptiness swallows me whole
I still love you
I will love you until there is no more air in my lungs
Because even though I still feel broken
And dead inside
You’ve shown me how to forget those things
Even for a little bit
You’ve shown me how to be alive with you

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“Pretty”

They tell me death isn’t pretty
But they haven’t looked at it from my perspective
This calming interpretation
That life is just a game
And at the end, we run out of lives
I’m close to that point
With a silver sword and a jagged heart
I stand on the edge
Of a mountain made of glass
Waiting for the slightest breeze
To push me off
So I can fly free
Tell me death isn’t pretty
When you haven’t seen it first hand
With a smile and a glass of gin
When you haven’t danced on the edge
Of being alive and being dead

“Confetti”

Teardrops sprinkle down cheeks
Like weathered confetti
Falling on New Years Eve
But no resolutions are made tonight
Too many memories are trapped on replay
Irritating scars,
Leaving her crumbling,
Wondering,
If life will ever be normal
And then he comes around
Wiping her tears from her eyes
Telling her, there’s more to life
Than heartbreakers and bad memories
She can’t believe him
When everyone else has lied,
So she tells him,
Expecting the same outcome,
But he doesn’t walk away
He softly places a kiss
On her forehead
And he tells her it will be okay
And confetti starts falling
Like raindrops in May

“I Choose You”

I haven’t done a whole lot of poems with songs recently…But, XXXTENTACION was amazing, and he’s pretty much all I’ve been inspired by lately.

The pain you seem to give
Leaves me aching
Searching for an escape
I’m somewhere on the line
Of choosing drugs instead of pain
Slicing my skin open no longer seems insane
The pain you give is devastating
You’ve left me drowning in my tears
Every single tear is from the pain you seem to give
I choose you over forgetting
Because I love you
But I don’t know why
You drown me in my tears
Every single day

“The Things You Used to Say”

Pushing myself away from you
I gouge out any memory from my brain
Making myself refrain
From ever loving again

It was such a simple phrase
At least in the beginning
“I love you”
Three words, three syllables,
One million meanings

You told me you believed in me
Even when I said I didn’t want to stay
Because that’s the type of man you are
You loved me even though I wasn’t brave

I thought we were going to last forever
Have children of our own
Maybe I’d finally get past my limiting depression
Maybe you’d finally think of the future

We left each other just a little more broken
My skin is littered with even more scars
You would be so disappointed
If you realized I stopped looking at the stars

I stopped wishing from afar
To fall in love,
I begged the sky to take me away
And when it didn’t, I gave up

I wish I could have fixed you
The same way you tried to fix me
But we’re both broken
In ways most people can’t see

And a broken tool
Can’t fix a broken device
It doesn’t matter how hard we try
It doesn’t matter how long we fight

I told you I loved you
And I swear that it’s true
I still love you
And I will until the end of time

You’ll never see me the same way
Because I’m not the same girl you thought you knew
And that broke your heart
You set yourself up for failure

You looked at me and decided I should change
When I decided not to
You broke my heart
And told me I was a mistake

So I’ll sit here all alone
And pray for the stars to go away
As I gouge out my memories
Of the things you used to say

“I’m Not Supposed to Cry”

I’m not supposed to cry
When you say you’re not alright
But I don’t know how to handle
When you say you like bleeding
I should be a better friend
Because I feel the same way
But I honestly don’t know what to say
I can’t make it all better
I can’t stitch you together
With my words and a smile
And even though I tell you it’ll be okay
We both know I don’t believe that
But I’m trying my hardest
Because I love you
And never want you to go away
You’re the only person I have
And even though I’m not supposed to cry
When you say you’re not alright
I’m scared of losing you
So I cry and beg you to stay alive