I’m drowning and I think this time you can’t save me

Chains are wrapped loosely around me

But I can’t find the strength to pull them off

My tears mingle with the sea

Salt burning my lips as I gasp in the water from beneath me

I beg for an escape

But I’m the only one holding me down

I force myself to watch

As my movements are reflected

And I ache, my body screaming

As I drown in my dreams



I tolerate you
The way you tolerate belligerent screaming
Simply because I have too
I ache at the thought of seeing you
The way you ache every time he hits you
Simply because I need you
I wait for you
The way you wait for life to lay itself in your hands
Simply because I want you
I blindly hate you
The way you blindly hate yourself
Simply because I can’t breathe when I’m around you
You tolerate me
The way I tolerate incessant whining
Simply because I have no choice
You ache for me
The way I ache every time I hear her scream
Simply because I have too
You wait for me
The way I wait for a mood swing
Simply because it’s the only thing to do
You hate me
The same way I hate breathing
Simply because we have nothing better to do


I close my eyes and I imagine what it would be like to die
For my thoughts to slowly sink out of despair
And my body to become weightless, my breath slowly puffing from my lips
When my hands will tighten right before they relax
And my eyes will squint, before they close permanently
I close my eyes and I imagine what it would be like to die
At first, it’s beautiful, I think
My thoughts will finally cease, my brain will calm to a silent hum
And my body will be lifeless, and I’ll look the way I feel,
But then, I picture you,
Weeping into your hands, over my weightless body,
Wondering what went wrong, and why, why did I have to die
And that is when I realize, even though the image of death is somewhat beautiful in my head
I can’t cause you the pain you’ll feel when I’m dead


Sometimes I scribble on paper
And I wonder why I keep doing it
My words seem so repetitive
Like I’m just spitting the same speech
Over and over again
I’ve well worn out my story
It’s quite obvious when you read my work
I say the same things,
I write the same lines,
But to me it’s therapy
I release the words inside my head
I breathe and I let it go
I escape from my reality long enough to let you see my insanity
Sometimes I scribble on paper
But I’ve realized
That’s exactly what I need
To scribble on paper
And tell my story, over and over again
Until I’ve healed
It doesn’t matter how long it takes
Because the scars on my skin are still healing
And my brain is still forming memories
So as long as my fingers can hold a pen
I will write what’s inside my head

“Help Yourself”

I built myself up from nothing
Just to let him tear me down
I created a masterpiece
And I let him paint all over me
I colored inside the lines
And I let him scribble on the outside
I should have screamed
I should have told him to stop
I was building myself
And he came in, and knocked me down
He ripped up everything I had so carefully built
I let him, when I should have told him no
I was trying so hard, but the way he looked at me
I knew I had no choice but to let it go
My soul was too empty to scream at him to stop
So I let him tear me down
I couldn’t help myself
So I tried not to feel at all

“Other Days”

Some days I get creative

I play symphonies

I draw masterpieces

I create heart wrenching stories

Other days

I lose myself

I lay in bed

I cry until I have no water left in my exhausted body

Some days I am beautiful

I shower

I get dressed

I smile like the world can’t stop me

Other days

I sob

I scream

I hate myself for merely existing

But everyday

I look at you and I’m in love

And I know you’re the one

Because you put up with me on those other days

And that’s more than anything I could’ve asked for